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Is wearing a hat of meat harmful to my hair? |
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On the contrary, the protein-rich natural juices found in most meats provide your hair and scalp with essential vitamins and nutrients. Traces of fat lubricate and fertilize the follicles, strengthening the hair and in many cases encouraging new growth. |
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How can I prevent a hat of meat from going bad?
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When not in use, your hat of meat should be kept in the freezer. For preservation during prolonged periods of outdoor exposure, your meat hat should be sprayed in advance with a protective coating of Aqua-Net hairspray. Only Aqua-Net will do. |
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How do I discourage flies and dogs from pestering me when I am wearing a hat of meat? |
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Jack Kerouac never hit the road without a squirt gun full of ammonia to keep the dogs of the American byways away from his hat of meat. Today, we use lemon juice. To keep the flies away from his meat hat, cartoonist R. Crumb fills one of his back pockets with horse manure. |
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What is the difference between tartar and plaque? |
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There is no difference. It’s just something made up by The American Dental Association to sell more toothpaste. |
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How can I combat the foul smell that sometimes comes with older hats of meat? |
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A simple solution is to lightly baste your hats of meat once weekly with A-1, Worcestershire, barbecue, Teriyaki or soy sauce. One should, however, never use Trader Joe’s “Soy Vey” sauce. That stuff smells like shit after a couple of days. |
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Is it safe for me to eat a hat of meat? |
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Hats made of jerky, be they beef or otherwise, are edible as well as practical. In days of yore, most hats of meat were uncooked. Today, such hats are rare. Still, we cannot recommend that you ingest any type of non-jerky meat hat, even if you’re really high. |
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Who came first -- The Ramones or The Sex Pistols? |
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Is there such thing as a wig or toupee of meat? |
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No. The very thought of a wig or toupee made of meat is absolutely preposterous. Queen Anne learned that lesson the hard way during her infamous “meat merkin” fiasco. |
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What type of wine should I serve with a hat of meat? |
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